Being criticised at work isn’t much fun. But dealing with criticism in a positive way is a key part of learning, growing, and becoming better at your job. Conversely, if you are a boss, being able to give criticism well is one of the most important skills you can have.
Taking criticism
Are you expecting it? If you are anticipating a tough conversation, prepare beforehand. This could entail anything from putting together a reasoned, evidence-based rebuttal to thinking about some suggestions for moving forward. Sometimes the best way to get ready is simply to prepare yourself mentally and get into the right place to have a conversation that you are not going to enjoy.
How do you react? The best initial reaction, perhaps, is not to react. Criticism tends to make us defensive — we feel like we’ve been attacked, and our natural instinct is to retaliate. Try not to do this: It makes you look hot-tempered, and your boss may feel vindicated by your rash reaction. Instead, be calm and rational. In terms of your response, a good start is to ask your boss to explain and expand on the issue, preferably using examples. If there is an obvious reason for the problem, such as an illness in your family causing poor attendance, now is the time to state it. But be gracious about it: Even if you do have a good reason, your boss may not have known about it.
Buy some time: If the criticism is significant and complex, and can’t be dealt with quickly, you should probably ask for some time to digest it. At this point, it’s a good idea to plant a flag if you disagree. But choose your language carefully. Rather than saying, “You’re wrong” (which is aggressive) or “I’m very sorry you feel that way” (which is passive-aggressive), say something like, “I wasn’t really expecting this” (neutral and about how you feel) or “I need some time to digest this and think about how I might best respond.” Then schedule another meeting to talk things through.
If you believe the criticism is fair: Say so. If your boss is right and it’s useful, you might even thank them. This will make you look mature and constructive and also prevent any escalation. Next, engage. Ask what you can do to solve the problem and move forward constructively. Ideally, involve the person who made the criticism in formulating the solution. This is clever strategically: It’s flattering for them (you’re asking for help) and makes further criticism less likely, as they now have a stake in resolving the problem.
If you believe the criticism is unfair: Even if you disagree about the criticism, you still want to appear calm and reasonable, as not doing so will undermine your case. So, use facts and cite examples in your disagreement. Resist the urge to be emotional or make it personal, such as saying something like, “You treat me differently to Jenny.” It is, however, OK to say how the criticism makes you feel (because this is very hard to dispute), although you shouldn’t go over the top. It’s worth putting yourself in the other person’s shoes, too. A boss who appears to be very hard on you may be under enormous pressure from above.
Sometimes the criticism will be manifestly unfair. In this case, you should offer a rebuttal. In order to appear reasonable and smooth things over, you might still take some of the criticism on board and say you’ll try and deal with it. But equally, you need to make it clear if there are parts of their suggested solution that you are not going to act on. This puts the onus on your boss to make the next move, while you look as if you have tried to accommodate at least some of their demands.
Regardless, you should learn from the criticism. The learning here may well be that the other person is unreasonable or doesn’t like you. That’s OK. We all have to deal with people we wouldn’t be friends with — and finding coping strategies is part of working life. Escalating any problem to a formal complaint should only be explored when you’ve exhausted all other options.
Can I ignore it? You shouldn’t, as this gives the other person ammunition. However, you will probably know if the individual dishes it out all the time or is just letting off steam. If this is the case, simply acknowledging it or agreeing with some small part of it may be enough. If in doubt about this, ask colleagues who have experience with the other person.
When you are required to give criticism
As a manager, this is part of your job. Giving critical feedback is essential — giving no feedback is much worse and can result in far bigger problems further down the line. So, if there is an issue, you need to address it as quickly as possible.
You should start by seeing the individual in the round. Is this a one-off, an ongoing problem, or a recent problem? Next, try to get to its root cause. Is it an issue outside work, are they struggling with an aspect of the job, do they need coaching or training? Rather than focusing only on what has gone wrong, you want to engage with them, agree about what has gone wrong, and then work on an actionable solution. This type of constructive criticism has been shown by academic research to improve employee engagement and motivation — and is an opportunity to learn.
The most important thing is for both the giver and receiver of criticism to engage positively with each other and agree on an actionable plan for how they will work together to make things better in the future.
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— Rhymer Rigby is an FM magazine contributor and author of The Careerist: Over 100 Ways to Get Ahead at Work. To comment on this article or to suggest an idea for another article, contact Oliver Rowe at Oliver.Rowe@aicpa-cima.com.